Ted Gresham – April 2026

Bad Me

Today I was ugly. My wife said so. She said I was acting ugly, I was ugly to my daughter, and I was being mean. Why? Because something gripped me this morning about her going off to church with my daughter. At first, I taught her better. She should NOT be wasting her time in a church. And secondly, I thought my wife’s traipsing off to Church ended when her mother passed. I was wrong.

I knew my daughter was going to this mini-Mega church here in hells’ville, aka Lufkin. That church was once called First Assembly of God and my wife and I were both active members once upon a time when I was still deluded. Long after we’d left there and I woke up to reality that church kicked their Assembly of God heritage in the ass and became another mega-feel-good church called Timber Creek Church. Big Woop. This town is not big enough for a real mega-church but this place is a wanna-be. Feel good sermons and sing-along congregations. Had I been going there when this shit erupted I would have thrown up. Now I just shake my head at how stupid people can be.

Which brings me back to my family and what I did today. I took major issue with my wife going. For some reason today it just pissed me off. We’d been lounging in bed, sleeping late as we do on the weekends, and suddenly my wife jumps up and starts getting ready. My view, of course, did not matter. She got pissed at me. And she went.

Every Mother’s Day for as long as I can remember my wife went off with her mother to her mother’s church, a Nazarene church, for services. I hated it but it was her mother and I kept my mouth shut. This year. Lah, lah, she’s going next week with my daughter. I’ll meet them for dinner, once again. And this sucks.

OK, I don’t get to spend much time with my wife. Not nearly as much as I would like. She is the only star in my sky. Over 48 years she has been the woman I’ve loved and cared for, often piss-poorly but sincerely. But her family, the grand and pathetic religious group of them, have worked real hard against me, especially since I woke up to reality and rejected religion. I’d hoped that would pass after her mother did last fall but I’ll be damned if my daughter didn’t keep it going. And for what?

I know my wife is stuck with her beliefs and is as stubborn as anyone can be. Nothing I can say will crack her delusion. I’m sorry about that, but she is not a fanatic of any sort and it is just there the vast majority of the time. It only flares up when she’s aided in her quest. I never dreamed my intelligent daughter would be the one to do that.

Sure, I’m bitter. And I’m angry. How does one fight against such a wall? This town is saturated with Christian bullshit. Nobody besides me has the guts to even question it, much less “come out” as atheist. Human beings are mostly cowards and they will not rock the boat if it will cost them to do it. And believe me, to be atheist in this town would be costly. I tried to start up a Recovering from Religion group here. One of the few people who showed up did so only once. He told me if his wife found out where he was she’d leave him and his boss would fire him. So much for freedom of religion. My problem is that this is a horrible place for me but it is where my wife insists we end our days, on the Christian property of her Christian grandparents, where her Christian mother grew up. Halleluia!!

This little blog is just a little steam. If anyone reads it and has a positive (or sure, negative) thing to say, speak your peace. I’ll be the one sitting in the closet-sized house in the woods looking for someone, anyone, anywhere, to have an intelligent conversation with where religion is a forbidden subject.

Well, fuck. It’s late. The chili I had made me a bit nauseous. I’m going to bed. Yall have a great evening.

PS: Ya know what really pisses me off? Even the fucking spell-check is bigoted. Spelling christian with a small ‘c’ is shown as a mis-spelling. Go figure.